


Redemption

by KyraPottered22years



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-06-02 09:40:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6561322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyraPottered22years/pseuds/KyraPottered22years
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suddenly, she felt like living in a dream, in a lie, while his look penetrated her soul, branding her from the inside. The blood flowed inside their veins ardently. Words unspoken, were whispered in the nothing. Hands eager to touch, with the bitter awareness of not being able to do it.<br/>(New Character) / (Kylo Ren x Rey)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Promise to Honor

  
_Will you really be able to be not tempted by the dark side of the force?_

Luke Skywalker’s words resounded in her skull, until that question became a feeble echo.  A huge weight in her heart seemed to be blocking her heartbeats and she could feel her fingers tremble like leaves. Just few hours earlier, she had answered that question with a resolute and clear yes, but the closer they were getting to the First Order base, the more her certainties were crashing like a thin glass sheet. She clutched the worn out cloth of her old dress, her eyes were wandering everywhere, trying to ease the pressure with which the angst was weighing her body down.

_The direct consequence of angst is panic, panic is the result of fear, fear leads to the dark side._

She had to be careful or she would surely fail.   
Her master, General Leia, Finn, the whole Resistance, even droids counted on her, and if she thought this would bring her honor before, now there was just a nagging fear of making mistakes and fail everyone.

_Fear leads to the dark side. That’s what has happened to Ben Solo._

 She gulped down. Even though she got used to it, being quiet now would only burden her, and that wasn’t for sure a feeling that helped her self-control. She turned her gaze to the right, onto Finn, meaning to have a little chat, but also that initiative died on her lips, before she could even utter some words.

Thus she started sweating cold and some of her loose tresses got stuck to her neck and her temples.  
   
Stop panicking.  
   
She kept on repeating that to herself, until words lost their meaning and syllables seemed to be stuck together in an illogical and meaningless sense.  
She would have wanted to unfasten her safety belt, stand up and shout to the top of her voice that she wasn’t ready for that mission. She would have disappointed her master, but it was better sooner than later, wasn’t it?  
Speculation about her possibly leaving the scene was distracting her from what she swore she had to face. Only a couple of minutes later she realized she could not escape from her destiny. She could not just run away.  
She closed her eyes, leant her head against the seat cushion and took a deep breath.  
   
Force is all around us, it surrounds us, it flows through us. All it takes to feel it is to close your eyes.  
And she truly felt it.  
It was the most reassuring sensation she had ever felt, although that was not the first time she had drawn the light onto herself.  
The light wrapped her up in a maternal embrace, it brushed every inch of her skin and seeped down through her muscles, making her unclench and giving her a sudden surge of courage and determination.  
She opened up her eyes, breathing out through her lips. That prospect, which a few seconds earlier had her filled with anxiety and fear, now did not get anything across her, even though that boulder-like weigh was still there in her chest, squeezing her heart in a grip which had slackened a little bit, but not dissolved yet.

“I have a bad feeling about this.” Rey directed her glance back at her friend, noticing how his hazel-brown gaze was now staring at a void horizon; she could feel his concern, mirroring in his emotions.

 “Are you afraid that this mission can take a different turn?” she asked him, when she was sure he wouldn’t have kept on talking.  “I’m afraid for you.” he admitted in a low voice, his glance encumbered with apprehension. Rey laid her hand on his dark fingers, running imaginary circles on the back of his hand. She grinned, and looking at him affectionately, like a sister, she told him: “Everything is going to be alright, that’s a promise”.  
Those eyes, so beautiful, and that smile, so gentle, they were perfectly soothing and yet, Finn did not believe her. He drew his hands back, avoiding her touch. In that moment, her sweetness was burning him, it felt like it was branding him inside. The way she smiled at him reminded him that most likely he wouldn’t have seen it anymore. He looked away and kept on staring everywhere but her.

“You can’t promise something that doesn’t depend on you” he told her coolly, while she tried to grasp the reason of that icy behavior, wondering where she did wrong.  
   
Not knowing what she could answer, she chose silence as an alternative, putting an end to that brief discussion.

Their friendship started getting worse when Rey left Finn on that stretcher to go searching for Luke. They fought quite often and about the most futile reasons, and that made her feel awful. An ironic chuckle formed on her lips, wow I’m really not cut out for being a Jedi.  
And yet, why did she set out to take the padawan’s path under Master Luke Skywalker? Who made her do it?

She relinquished those negative thoughts, she shook her head, calling herself a stupid for this.  
Her fingers dwelt on the security belt buckles, willing to move from there or anxiety and frustration would come back stronger than before.  
“What are you doing?” a soldier of the Resistance startled her and made her jump on the seat. “we’re ‘bout to land and you can’t stand up.”  
  
  
  
                                                                                                                             *

 

“Okay” she whispered, while her heart jumped up to her throat with each beat. The mission had just begun and now there was no time for fear anymore.   
   
General Leia wanted to make advantage of the surprise factor, believing that the First Order had not yet recovered from the huge loss of men and weapons after the attack at the Starkiller base, but, as Finn knew perfectly well, the First Order was powerful.

They intercepted the signal of an unregistered ship as soon as it had cut across the planet atmosphere, so General Hux commanded that five hundred Stormtroopers were deployed by the landing site.  
They apparently had just lost the surprise factor.

The Resistance soldiers unfastened their security belts, put on their safety helmets, got equipped with weapons and, splitting up in two uniform rows, leapt out of the ship.  
  
Red was the dominant color that painted the battle scenery: the air, because of the blasters and the ground, because of the blood of the injured. From the triangular shaped bull’s eyes, Rey and Finn were silently staring, waiting for action.

 “ We’re nothing compared to them” commented Rey in a low voice, walking away from the bull’s eye.  
 “What are you doing?” asked Finn, looking at her with a curious frown.  
 “I gotta go, you know what the plan is, don’t you ?”  
 “I know the plan, but now it’s not the right moment for you to go.” He closed the distance between them, grabbing her wrist and blocking her off right before the trailing edge. He looked her right through her eyes.  
 “The longer I wait for action, the more soldiers die, I gotta go now.”

“Not now.” That, more than a command, sounded like a plea. They just stood there for mere seconds, without saying a word.  
“You told me before that I can’t promise things that do not depend on me, you were right about that” she paused, disentangling herself from under Finn’s grip.  
“But what I am making now is a promise I will honor, at all costs: Finn, we will see each other again.” He could not reply, because she had already turned her back on him. Rey leapt out of the ship and she ran as fast as she could towards a giant boulder, having a hard time in ducking the laser blows which were shot from several blasters.  
When she reached her destination, she leaned onto the rock wall, trying to catch up her breath. She jumped onto the ground just in time, dodging a blaster blow and she inadvertently ended up rolling down from a little slope. She could only slow down her fell when she bumped her right foot into a log. An acute pain to her ankle made her nerve endings flare up and she let out a scream, while reaching out for her ankle; a sixth sense told her she had just broken it. How could she ever hope to climb back to where she came from, with her leg roughed up like that?  
She had to move out, because a stormtrooper body was sliding down the slope and judging from the way it was falling, it surely would have collided with her.  
As soon as she moved, she realized that the pain, although intense and throbbing, was bearable, so she plucked up her courage, helping herself up with her hands and with her good leg, and she climbed the hill.  
Halfway though, her arms surrendered among frustration groans and sticky sweat mixed with mud. She got up and running more painfully than quickly, she reached the same boulder she was hiding when she got there in the first place.

She rolled over onto her back, she caught up her breath in a minute or so, and after a while she tried to get up, in vain: she could not set her foot down, the pain was too acute and running had only worsened her situation.  
She decided that would be the place they would find her (as if she has a choice, given the circumstances). She crouched down against the boulder, she drew out from the leather bag the syringe with the yellowish liquid inside and with no further thought she injected the needle in her right thigh, pulling it out when she was sure that not even a drop was left in the vial. In less than few seconds, her head started spinning around and her strength was failing her, the sedative was producing its effect on her body. Anyway, before she could lose her consciousness, she dug a hole in the ground, burying the needle, so that no one could find it. She lay on the leaves and closed her eyes. The pain in her ankle, the perception and the control of her own body slowly faded away. She felt her heartbeats become slow and heavy, just like her breath.

Before falling soundly asleep, she heard the familiar hum of a lightsaber.


	2. No Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly, she felt like living in a dream, in a lie, while his look penetrated her soul, branding her from the inside. The blood flowed inside their veins ardently. Words unspoken, were whispered in the nothing. Hands eager to touch, with the bitter awareness of not being able to do it.

  
  
  
  
Chestnut locks tickled her scrawny cheeks, as her eyes scrutinized the green vastness of that planet.  A dull sense of melancholy hit her chest and she could not identify that feeling, but for the lack of her beloved blue ocean. She would have liked to see the waves breaking on the island’s rocky cliffs, the sea foam swallowed by the wet sand.

At any rate, in that island, sorrow and rage were more endurable. Her glance fell over the steel pavement of the Resistance base, when she sensed a familiar signature in the Force. Turning her back to the landscape, she directed her attention to the person in front of her.

 

 “Did I interrupt something?”

 “Not at all, Master.” she responded, with a tepid and affable smile. Luke Skywalker came near his padawan with an unhurried slow pace and the impenetrable expression on his face aroused the girl’s suspicions.

 

 “Is there any news?” she asked, apprehensively.

 “They got back a couple of minutes ago.” he hesitated, sitting on one of the stools nearby. “They left in hundreds, but only twenty-one of them returned.”

One team was off on to a mission at daybreak. The tragic news made their faces look grimmer than before and they stood there, keeping silent for a little while.

 “You reprised your training today.” Luke said, getting up from the stool to go outside on the little balcony, while she stood still exactly where she was.

She looked like ice, the expression imprinted on her face not betraying any kind of emotion.

 _It’s something she has in common with her brother_ , Luke pondered, looking at her through  a slit-eyed glance.

 “But I screwed up, Master!” she started, giving a detailed account of her training and of how she miserably failed every and each attempt to have control over the Force.  “I think... I haven’t fully recovered yet.” she concluded, joining him on the balcony.

 “You had to face a grievous loss-”

 “That’s right where my rage and my distress originate, Master. I don’t think I knew him so well that we can say it’s a _grievous_ loss.”

 “Your started your training when you were barely able to talk. You cannot blame yourself for that.” Luke’s voice reached a soothingly and reassuringly sweet tone, so pleasant that something in the fourteen year old’s chest thawed, maybe a knot, or a grip. And she let herself go.

 “Strange feelings have been torturing me, lately. They’re asphyxiating, they’re things I’ve never felt so far..things that seem to burn, as if there was a fire inside me”. Tears threatened to emerge, but she  was somehow able to push them back, stifling the incipient whimper in her throat.

 “You are young and these negative emotions are new to you, but be careful, control them, or they will lead you to the dark side.”  
  
_Dark side_.

Those two words could make her shiver in terror, and lately, repulsion too.

 “The more time passes by, the more this..this hatred – it was difficult for her to talk about that feeling in first person – grows inside me. I can feel the Force oppressing me, not reassuring me.”

Her eyes were glistening and Luke could see that, even under the tenous light of the two moons . “I’m…” But she could not finish that sentence, the sob she had restrained before painfully resurfaced.

 “You are afraid.”

 “I don’t want to become like him, I don’t.” Shaking her head, she wiped those two fleeting tears away.  Luke got close to her niece, put his hands on her shoulders and looked in her eyes, half serious and half affectionate.

 “You’re not like your brother.”

_Brother._

At those words, she moved one step back. 

 

Her face turned back into the usual icy mask, but there was something different in those eyes, black like nothingness, something Luke could not immediately understand.

 “I don’t have a brother, _not anymore._ ” And she truly meant it.

 

No matter how many times she wielded her lightsaber, her desire to skewer Kylo Ren would only grow more intense, just like the sand flowing through an hourglass, slow but steady. Something was about to break in the air, but just before that could happen, she hurriedly said: “Sorry”, barely a whisper. “I shouldn’t have talked like that, I know you want to help.”

 

 “It is my utmost aspiration.”

 

She looked back in his eyes and slightly grinned. She then looked away and stared back at a random point in the huge forest; only after the umpteenth moment of silence her mouth articulated a question without her even being aware of it.

 

 

 “Did I look anything like him?” At the beginning Luke watched her without understanding, but a couple of seconds later he  figured out whom she was talking about.

 

 “You took his stubbornness.” a little giggle was just swallowed by the night air.

 "I did not mean my father." she admitted, with a bitter smile. Luke then realized he misunderstood. “I meant Ben Solo.”

 “Padme..”

 “Please, tell me. I can’t see his real face in my visions.”

Luke sighed, even though that sound came out more like a snort.

Luke didn’t like talking about Ben Solo.

 “You are quite alike, from the physical point of view, but your face resembles more your mother’s.” Padme closed her eyes, hoping she would be able to visualize something. “He was full of doubts, he was afraid since the very beginning of his training.”

 “Then why training him?” she retorted, keeping her eyes shut. That was a tough question to answer, so he paused to mull over, searching for the right words.

 “The Force was strong with your brother, but what he did not get when he turned himself to the Dark Side, was the difference between mastering it and being subjugated by it.” Padme suddenly opened her eyes wide and looked at his master with a wavering gaze, as she bore in mind the words she had just told him only a little earlier.

 

_I can feel the Force oppressing me, not reassuring me._

 

 “A Jedi uses the Force for the greater good.  A Sith is a slave of the dark side of the Force, not its master.”

 “But... how is?...”

 “How is that possible? Well, only who’s been deeply lured by the dark side and has been able to stay in the light side can truly understand this.” Thirty-years-old memories re-emerged in his mind in a quick but well-defined flow.

 “You once told me that Darth Vader eventually found a way to his redemption. So, can a Sith return back to the light side?” That question woke him up from the shadows of his memory. A grin widened on his lips half hidden by his thick and bristly beard. He looked at his padawan and he said:

 “Yes, they can.”

 “How?”

  


_“Now…go, my son. Leave me.”_

_“No. You're coming with me. I can't leave you here. I've got to save_

_you.”_

_“You already have...Luke. You were right... you were right about me. Tell your sister…you were right.”_

  
 

 “...Love.” he replied. “As long as someone filled with hatred is loved by even only one person, then they can find redemption.”

  
  


* * *

 

  
 

_“I don’t care how long it will take you, bring him back to me. Bring back my son.”_

 

 

She woke up all of a sudden. 

She looked at her wrists and at her ankles, blocked by metal binders, and she found herself laying on a cot angled so much, that it would have taken very little to straighten it up vertically.

It seemed to her she was living a familiar scene once again.  
A scene that she often lived in her worst nightmares.

Rey forced herself to watch ahead of her, even though she knew who was there for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what do you think about it! ;)


	3. More Than You Like To Admit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly, she felt like living in a dream, in a lie, while his look penetrated her soul, branding her from the inside. The blood flowed inside their veins ardently. Words unspoken, were whispered in the nothing. Hands eager to touch, with the bitter awareness of not being able to do it.

At the beginning, he felt a slight tremble in the Force.

Very light, _but it was something, to begin with._

He called back to him some of the Stormtroopers, armed with his lightsaber, and he left the Base. In the middle of that bloody battle, the tremble became a dazzling and pure presence.

 

Only one person could emanate that power. And he did know, whom it belonged to. He let the Force guide him. It had drawn an imaginary and well-outlined path; oddly enough, for the first time after a very long while, the Force was not tormenting him but it was… _helping him._

 

_It was unusual, that the dark side of the Force would be of help._

 

Waving those thoughts off, he focused on the scavenger. He found her.

He could hardly believe it, yet there she was, right under his nose, lying on the leaves, her eye-lids quivering and her body paralyzed.

And just like he had done months before, he kneeled down and lifted her up, carrying her in his arms, under the bewildered – and well concealed by the helmets- eyes of the Stormtroopers.

 

When he had brought her inside the Base, the Resistance ship took off with an exiguous number of men aboard. The physician droids detected a fracture in her ankle, they put it in plaster cast, and, as per General Hux’s command, they locked her up in a cell.

 

_What was the point in attacking the First Order with just a handful of the Resistance soldiers?_

Kylo Ren watched her over all night long, hopeful to probe her mind once again, but he found it an impossible task. Something prevented him from doing it and partly, _that something_ was inside him.

 

He clenched his fists and he tried over and over again, with no success at all.

There was an uproar in his head, so noisy that he did not realize about the silence all around, so deafening that he could not fully enjoy that beautiful sleeping face. He did not even flinch, when she had suddenly opened her eyes wide, her chest violently heaving, as if she had just finished a miles-long running.

 

Their eye-contact was not immediate and yet, when she eventually decided to look ahead with repugnance, it was almost violent. Even behind a mask, their gazes collided and the exchange of emotions and sensations between them gave them a shock that alerted all their nerve endings.

For a moment, they re-lived the scene like a flashback, and neither dared utter one word.

 

 

 

  _«Where am I?» she asked by pure instinct, her chest heaving quickly, in accordance with her heartbeats rhythm._

_«You’re my guest.»_

_She was startled by that reply. There was something, in his excessively deep voice, that made her think he did not mean to hurt her._

 

Oh, what are you thinking about? Of course he means to hurt you.

 

_«Where are the others?» she inquired, shocked by her own thoughts and by apprehension._

_«You mean the murderers, traitors and thieves you call friends?» The voice of the black masked silhouette struck a sharpened tone, completely different from the answer of mere seconds earlier. «You’ll be relieved to hear that I have no idea.»_

 

_Their eye-lids got close to each other, glares emanating a mixture of contempt and hostility._

_«You still want to kill me?» he asked, tilting his head to the side._

_Rey mustered up all of her courage to face his arrogance.  «_ _That happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask.»_ _she said, dismissively._

_It seemed to her that Kylo Ren was sneering, behind that mask, but perhaps it was just her imagination. She was too much focused on him, who had meanwhile brought his fingers to the sides of his mask. Just when Rey realized what he was about to do, she mentally prepared herself for the worst and gulped down bitter saliva._ _He got up and…_

 

_And he was just a boy, who had become a man not long ago._

 

 _That gaze black like nothing captured her deep brown eyes and seemed to tell her:_ «Now, do you still want to kill me?»

 

 

In the end anyway, just like last time, she spoke first, suddenly remembering General Leia’s words and the mission she had entrusted her with.

 

 «It didn’t take you long to find me.» she spoke with an unstressed tone, trying to keep an emotionless expression.

Ren’s mind had to re-elaborate those words and that inflection a dozen times before he could actually answer.

 «That’s it.» were the only words that left his mouth, as he got up standing. 

That figure so tall, those shoulders so broad,  all those things were nearly intimidating her.

 

_I’m not afraid, I’m not afraid. I am not afraid._

 

 

_«Don’t be afraid, I feel it too.»_

 

 

Those words resounded in her mind like a distant echo.

 «What was the purpose of this...  _stupid attack_?» he inquired, quite unceremoniously.

 «I have no idea.» she cut him off, raising her eyebrows with nonchalance. 

That behavior was weird, to say the least, this surely wasn’t the Rey he had met months ago, brave and full of light.  
Indeed, there was still a lot of audacity in her, but her power…it wasn’t as clear as he recalled it.

 «No idea…you don’t say!» he provoked her, trying to wake up something inside her and in those eyes so numb.

 «They told they had to leave off on a mission and once I got to know about the destination, I joined the squad.»

 «Why?» he requested again, more persistently, closing the distance between them with just one long stride.

Maybe it was the sudden and unexpected closeness that finally unsettled her, shaking something inside her.

She swallowed, and, trying to disregard his heavy breath, she looked ahead of her, staring at a point whatsoever on the metallic walls.

 «To escape.»

That answer befuddled him completely: _what did she mean_?

 «Explain yourself,  _scavenger._ »

And that nickname started a spark in her. She hesitated for just one moment, before reacting.

 «To escape from the Resistance, from General Organa and from Luke Skywalker.»

 «I get that much.»

The haughty irony, totally uncalled for, made her gnash her teeth.

 «I don’t belong to that world!» she yelled out all of a sudden, while her eyes were getting wet and he was staring at her with even more determination from behind his mask. She turned to look at him and leant forward, thus halving the few inches that still kept them apart. «I hate their orders, their goals, their faces. » she hissed,  «That’s why I ran away.»

Kylo Ren could not believe what he was hearing, but the best/worst part still had to come:

 «During our duel on the Starkiller base, you told me I needed a teacher» and that memory flashed in his head like a lightning, totally unexpected. 

 

_«You need a teacher!»_

  
 

 «You told me you would show me the ways of the Force.» she went on, with a bizarre look in her eyes, almost unhealthy. «I’m here to ask you if that offer’s still valid.»

Bewilderment at its best.

This time he was sure he did not believe what he had heard.

 The girl that was in front of him was not the same Rey he used to know, of that he was certain.  
 

 

 _«I can show you the ways of the force!»_  
 

 

He walked forward, turning his back to her. He looked ahead and then slightly tilted his head, so that she could only the mask profile. «Who says I’m still willing to do that?»   
She bit her tongue before answering.

«You need me more than you like to admit.»   
She knew that.  
She knew she had almost made it.  
And when she finally built this confidence, for the second time Luke Skywalker’s words boomed in her head...  
 

_Will you really be able to be not tempted by the dark side of the force?_

  
  
  
 

* * *

 

  
  
                                                                                                           
He was gone, leaving her in the most complete bemusement.  
Talking to him was always a peculiar experience, but that time, he let her speechless, buried in her doubts.  
_«Don’t make my same mistake, Padme, be strong.»_  he told her, before dissolving into nowhere.  
  
Only a couple of minutes later, she finally understood: she was supposed to participate in the mission, one way or another. That was what the ghost of Anakin Skywalker wanted her to do, or what was the whole point of that conversation?  
  
She had to find Master Skywalker and talk to him as soon as possible.  
Convincing her mother would not be easy at all…  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Please, comment and let me know what did you think about this new chapter!


	4. There’s a Solution for Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> «Kill him! Show us this is not yet another one of the magnificent plans by General Organa!»

  
  
  
  
  
“No way, don’t even talk about it.” she said cutting her off, with a vigorous shake of her head.  
 “Think about it, Leia” interceded Luke after being quiet for about fifteen minutes, getting near her sister, but she raised her palm, gesturing for the Jedi not to come any closer.

“Leave us alone, Luke”

_Alone._

 

A shudder ran through him and he looked away from the emptiness to focus on the General. There was a moment of silence in which Leia’s gaze flashed from her brother to the padawan, a dry gaze, empty because of the too many tears she shed during her sleepless nights.

 

With no further lingering, Luke left the room as he was ordered: he could understand his sister’s needs and he knew that from now on, it would have been up to Padme taking matters in hand.

 

Just as the door shut with a light thud, the girl’s mouth motioned to open, but Leia preceded her.

 «Was it Luke who instilled this idea in your head?»

 

 

That question caught her so much off-guard that it took her some seconds to re-elaborate a believable answer.

 

 «No, the idea’s mine.» The answer didn’t seem perfect to convince the woman who was staring back at her inquiringly, but it was the truth nonetheless and Leia was very good at recognizing who was telling lies from who was not.

 

She stood up under the girl’s curious eyes and she started walking back and forth with an unhurried and measured gait.

 «Please let me explain, you didn’t give me enough time before » she told quietly, clutching her tangled fingers even more excitedly, if possible.

 «I get what you’re thinking about and I can’t let you take such a risk. You’re precious to the Resistance, but even more so to the Republic.»

A Republic which had already fallen and with no foundations, she was tempted to say, but voicing those words aloud would have gotten the situation out of control and that did not sit well with her padawan’s vows.

 

_There is no emotion, there’s peace._

 

 «You must have misunderstood the words of Anakin Skywalker.»

She oddly felt betrayed by those words.

 «I know very well what he said: he specifically told me I should intervene.»

 «Did he ask explicitly?» she inquired, almost cynical.

The situation was taking a negative turn, full of tension which would explode, with unpleasant consequences.

 «No, but it is my task to read into his words.» She did not even have enough time as to close her mouth that Leia started ranting about:

 «Ah, damned ghosts and their “cheap” poetic words!»

At that reaction, Padme neither said nor did anything, with no clue at all on how she should have acted. Some silent minutes later, she took up all of her courage and she spoke, pronouncing each words with utter annoyance.

 «His words were clear, he told me-» 

 «I can’t lose you too!» she yelled, abruptly slowing down her frenzied walk, her eyes wide open as though they were about to get out of their sockets, shimmering.

Padme’s heart began beating so loud it seemed to beg to be let out of her rib cage. Something before had threatened to snap, it had been slowly cracking and now it was definitely broken.

 

She truly was without any words left this time, unprepared to face the angst of a mother that had just lost the most important person in her life.

A single tear slid down the General’s cheek and an emotional hurricane raged on inside the padawan.

 

Other than feeling tremendously guilty for bringing about that reaction, she felt she had to fix that situation, to glue together the pieces of what she had just broken. Her feet moved on their own towards her mother, meaning to make a gesture that she last did when she was a very little child, too little to remember. Her steps though came to a halt halfway and there was a tingling sensation in her arms, aware that they would not have been able to give a simple hug. She tried to compensate with words.

 

 «If you don’t want me to go, that’s ok. I get it.»

 «No...» Leia shook her head and looked at the ceiling, as if she wanted to push back the tears.  «You’re right. It’s just me being over protective.»

 «You’re only doing your duty as a mother.» she said, swallowing. «We could figure out a plan without me acting directly in person.» She gradually got closer, dragging her feet.  «But we must act for sure, Rey’s safety depends on it. Even though master Luke warned her that she would certainly be lured by the Dark side: during her new training, the enemy  - she dared not mention Kylo Ren to avoid further embarrassment - would coerce her into using the force for hideous aims, like..killing.» She paused. «There’s a solution for everything.» she whispered.

 

They kept silent, watching each other in the eyes. 

Suddenly a precise scheme outlined in Leia’s mind, defined down to the very details.  Padme got to catch that glimpse getting brighter and brighter, in those eyes so dark.

 «I know what to do.» she said, nearly in a smile.

 «What?» the padawan asked, while the General put on her racket and tucked two locks of hair behind her ears. «Have everyone gathered in the command center.» She headed toward the door and she opened it, but before getting out she added:  «I got a plan.»  
 

 

 

       

* * *

  
  
 

 

Her leg was stiff and aching, but not as badly as when she fell down. After taking off even the last layer of bandages, she found out that her ankle was only slightly more swollen than her good one; she touched it with two fingers, putting some pressure: the pain was just a little bit more intense. She tried to get up and she could luckily put her foot down on the ground, feeling nothing more than an imperceptible annoyance. She took a couple of steps in her cell, she could actually walk, even if with a limp.

She sighed and cautiously sit on the floor, leaning her back against the wall. Whatever they had injected in her body, it made her heal in an impossibly accelerated time.

She remembered the time, while scavenging in an abandoned junkyard on Jakku, she was poorly holding onto the rope and she had put her foot down at an odd angle. Once her body weight was all on her ankle, it made an unsettling noise, like a crack that froze blood in her veins, and then came the unbelievable pain.

It took her two full months to heal from that and those were days she suffered starvation more than usual, days she could call herself lucky if she could grab some reptile or bug creeping inside the hangar.  She could still sense in her mouth the disgusting taste of that sinewy and gluey meat.

She suppressed the instinctive retching and she tried to think about something else. Sighing once again, she glanced around to take in what seemed to be her new living space. After the interrogation, Kylo Ren had left without saying a word, leaving her alone, tied like a piece of meat. Just a couple of minutes later though, a tall, ginger-haired man, accompanied by few stormtroopers, came inside the cell. It must have been someone important, because the moment he ordered she was to be untied and taken to room 2216, the white helmeted men obeyed without any hesitation.  She expected to be transferred onto an even better guarded room, but other than that – it really turned out that way – it was a dark colored room, with a bed and a chair inside. Not bigger than 9 – 10 square meters.

 

She had been locked up there for a day or more, at least that’s what she assumed. Two hours earlier they got her a tray with a loaf of bread and a water glass; despite the excruciating starving sensation she did not so much as touch a thing, so the hooded figure brought the tray and the untouched food away. She shut her eyes and laid down, ignoring the cold metal.

 

 

_What were they planning to do with her?_

 

She was wondering whether Kylo Ren was eventually considering her proposal. 

She felt a lump in her stomach.

Every time she thought about him, the memory of the stifling sensations his presence sent through her burnt her skin.

 

_Why did she feel that way whenever he came close to her?_

 

So…bad.

 

She suddenly sit upright, only to stand up just as soon as she heard a plenty of steps coming near. They stopped once they reached the door, they opened it and some stormtroopers got inside the cell, once again accompanied by the red-haired man; this time though there was another human male with them, too short to be intimidating, on the contrary it was him who was bearing an intimidated look on his face. Nodding his head, the tall man commanded two stormtroopers to grab her arms and hold her still, in case she were to try and escape.

 

_Focus, don’t let them know about it._

 

 «Where are you taking me?» was the natural question she came up with, when they started shoving and dragging her away out of the cell. But the answer only came when they were past two of the corridors.

 «Kylo Ren believes in your skills, but not when you acknowledge your rejection of the Light side.»

When she was sure the ginger-haired man would not continue that conversation, she went on:

 «So what? Are you going to execute me?»

 «Ah, I wish it were so, my dear.» She could not look him in the eyes, but his voice sounded even more disdaining than his usual tone.  «However, Supreme Leader wants to test your loyalty.» 

 

_Supreme Leader?_

 

They halted in front of a big door at the end of a long corridor, larger than the other ones they had passed through.  The man turned toward her and glared at her with his green, venomous eyes.  «He wants to be assured that you truly are one of us, as you seemingly asserted during your last interrogation with Ren.» That said, he lowered the oversized handle that made the two doors open. 

They entered what was a dark hall, gloomy like a night with no stars, the only light source being the huge hologram of a horrible humanoid caricature. As the two men went forward on the large metallic bridge, the _thing_ spoke.

 «General Hux.» the voice was deep, grim and dark. It gave shudders. «Make her come closer.» he added, when the two men got next to the side of… Kylo Ren.  
Only in that moment she felt _his_ presence. Something was shaking inside her when that mask turned to watch her.

 

_Do not show any sign of rebellion._

 

She took a deep breath and tried to ignore the fear she was feeling about that obnoxious creature with his deeply scarred head and the enormous disfigured face.

They kept on going forward on the bridge and the stormtroopers let go of her only when she was in front of what must have been the Supreme Leader.

Only then she could understand many things about the First Order, this meant the plan was perfectly working. Now it was just a matter of looking indifferent, just as she did during the interrogation with Kylo Ren.

 

_Don’t think about the mission. Focus._

 

 «So this is the famous Rey, the young woman that has defeated in a duel my most powerful apprentice.» Those bright eyes, as big as two human heads, were watching her with a persistent curiosity. «Did you really come here on your own will? «I did.» she answered in a heartbeat, gritting her teeth, both her fists clenched along her sides.

 «Good.» He relaxed on his chair and waved his hand at someone. Two other stormtroopers came in and they were holding someone still. When he was finally under everyone’s eyes, they pulled the burlap sack off his head.

Rey had to hold back herself not to run toward the kneeled figure of Bill, a Resistance soldier.

No one said a word. She felt everyone’s eyes upon her.

The short man went next to her and gave her a blaster, Rey took it in her hands and turned the cold weapon around her fingers.

 «If you really are against the Resistance, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem for you to kill one of its soldiers, unarmed.» at that last word, Rey raised her incredibly wide open eyes up toward the Supreme Leader.

 

_How far did she have to push herself to accomplish that mission?_

 

Murdering an innocent man in cold blood, an unarmed man, that was definitely against her padawan’s vows.

 

 «Come on, now!» that was the voice of General Hux coming from the right side, breaking the silence in the vast dark hall. «Kill him! Show us this is not yet another one of the magnificent plans by General Organa!» At those words, she pointed her blaster between Bill’s eyes.

She deeply inhaled, but her hand was shaking. Tears were wetting her cheeks.

She could not do that. Never.

 

_This was not in the plan._

 

 «Now, as you can see, Supreme Leader Snoke, the girl is not-» but the poison-filled words of Hux were interrupted. Rey turned toward Kylo Ren, the short man and the General. 

She aimed her weapon and shot.

The small man fell to the ground, lifeless.

Some seconds full of astonished silence passed by.

Behind the mask, Ren’s lips curled into a grin.

 «You little bast-» but before Hux could get anywhere near herm he was held back by something invisible that Rey could recognize a little later on: Kylo was using the Force on the General. When he let go, he lost his balance and fell down in the corpse’s blood pool.

 «The Lieutenant was unarmed.» Ren’s voice boomed. «killing an innocent goes against her Jedi padawan’s vows. » Rey watched him with incredulous and quivering eyes, while an odd feeling pervaded her inch by inch, sucking her in an abyss she knew she would not easily come out.

 

_Will you really be able to not be tempted by the Dark side of the Force?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what do you think about this story! :D


	5. Finally Finding Some Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren didn’t know he had a sister and Padme was too good to kill him.

Rey.  
Her eyes snapped open quite abruptly and she had to muffle a scream.  
She sit with her legs dangling from the mattress. Her olive-skin was beaded with sweat, you could have perceived that even standing in the dark. Her heart was beating out loud, she brought a hand to her chest, hopeful to calm it down, putting a light pressure while running small circles with her fingers on that patch of her skin.  
The stress of her new training was sucking away all her energies, also, trying not to fall into the lures of the Dark Side was becoming quite the challenge, one that she had to face daily, every single moment.   
Rey, can you hear me?  
Once again, that voice inside her head. She glanced everywhere around in the room, but no one was there. It took her some moments to understand that the voice was in fact created by a mental bond and some seconds later she was able to recognize that placid, unstressed tone.   
Padme?  
She tried to focus, establishing a telepathic conversation though was something that neither the Light Side nor the Dark Side had yet trained her to.  
But if the force really was with her, then it would help her too.   
Finally I did it.  
The padawan’s voice said, barely louder than a whisper, and Rey was preparing herself for possible bad news. It had been weeks since she had officially become Kylo Ren’s new apprentice and nobody had tried to get in touch with her so far…

Why doing it now?

First of all, report.  
Was all the voice said and Rey did as she was required.  
They did not believe me at first and, to see if I was telling the truth, they obliged me to...  
Her mental voice trailed off and the last words resonated in both their skulls.  
To..?  
The girl urged her with a certain concern in her tone.  
Rey gathered her strength up, she would have to confess it, sooner or later.  
They forced me to kill a member of the Resistance, Bill, from team 6. But I didn’t kill him.  
Then who?   
A lieutenant who was always getting in the way of General Hux...He was unarmed anyway…

Silence. Padme didn’t say anything and Rey thought for a moment that she had broken their bond, too outraged to keep on talking to a padawan who had killed a defenseless man.   
Go on.  
She felt reassured to hear the sound again, so much that she nearly believed it was just her imagination.  
Kylo Ren took me as his apprentice and my new training has been going on for 16 days.  
What does this new training consist of?  
Let me finish...  
Sorry.  
Rey sighed. Her nerves were too tight. The battle against the Dark side was smothering and yes, she wasn’t afraid to admit it: she feared she could give in. She could not allow herself to be afraid under that circumstance.  
She wasn’t as strong as Luke thought her to be.  
She was failing.  
She was failing him. She was failing everyone.  
No, Rey.  
She winced and only when Padme said those two simple words with a veiled sweetness, Rey realized she was crying.   
I know how difficult this can be, believe me, I do. And exactly because we are aware of it, we decided to help you.  
She widened her eyes, wiping her cheeks with the back of her right hand, and she spelled out:  
What are you planning to do?  
Padme’s words were concise and straightforward, so that Rey could easily catch up with the plan and what role she should play.  
I can’t do that too, not...  
You are essential in this mission and only you can do that.  
I can’t kill other people, be them on the Light or the Dark side. If my hands are going to be dirty with blood again I don’t know if I can-  
Then I’ll help you about that.  
Rey held her breath.  
How? You told your mother wouldn’t-  
My mother can’t keep me locked up. She sharply cut her off.  
You can’t risk your life, Padme.  
She spoke with calm, trying to convince her, but, if only did she know her a little bit, she was aware she wouldn’t easily talk her into reason.  
Why shouldn’t I?  
You’re the Senator, the Resistance, the Republic itself, they can’t lose you.  
That’s the main reason I must act. I won’t stay here twiddling my thumbs while others are going to die in a mission where I could save them.   
Rey fell silent in front of such a determination, so well justified that she couldn’t have convinced her to follow her mother’s will even if she wanted to.  
It’s alright.  
Keep this in mind, my dear friend, you are strong in the force. Sometimes a Jedi has to kill, for defense and for justice.  
She was well aware about it. Only, she did not want to be a Jedi anymore, she did not want to have nightmares crowded with younglings and women who blamed her for being a murderer.   
May the force be with you, Padme.  
Wait!  
She cried out so loud her ears started ringing.  
What?  
You didn’t answer my first question: what happens during the training?  
She had almost forgotten about that question. Remembering the time she had been spending on those training made her stomach churn and even only thinking that she should join them in a few hours made her want to vomit, but Rey did not eat, she barely drank. She slept soundly at night, as if sleeping could really give her energy; even in her dreams though, the fight against the Dark side gleamed with nightmares and negative thoughts.  
They are more or less the same we used to do with master Luke, only they’re more exhausting and there are more fights between us.   
She hated that she had to speak of “us”.  
So you’re training with other pupils? Are there more of them, then?  
Yes. They are known as Knights of Ren and I am pretty much one of them by now.  
There were some silent moments and Rey could almost picture Padme frowning.  
Tell me more.  
Like the others, I have to wear a mask during the outdoor trainings and…I am building a new lightsaber.  
Something happened in their bond, Rey could perceive Padme’s sorrow.  
My mother should have never assigned this mission to you. It’s an inhuman torture. 

No big deal, I am a rebel of the Resistance and I’m honored that I can help.  
Uttering those words instilled in her a sense of peace and serenity that she hadn’t felt in a long time, as though the bright force were wrapping her all along and she were only understanding it now.   
We’d better break the bond up now, prolonging it may weaken us both.  
It’s ok.  
May the force be with you, Rey, you really need it.  
Don’t be kind only with the others, be kind with yourself too. You are taking on a Jedi training and studying politics at the same time, all of this after a grave loss.   
Padme lingered before offering her reply.  
When you have to tend to your people, to the force, to justice and you try to heal a still open wound, I think you easily forget about yourself. But thanks for your advice, Rey.  
You’re welcome.  
She waited for a couple of seconds, but she could not hear Padme’s voice in her head anymore. The bond was disrupted. 

 

°

 

«Did you talk to her?»   
«I did.» she answered, wiping away the blood drop that was sliding out of her nostril.  
«How do you feel?»  
«Tired, my head is aching, but I’m fine.»   
The concern with which Luke showered her was comforting, he gave her the kind attentions of not just an uncle, but also those of a father, apart from the ones of a master.  
«You were pretty good, you were able to keep the bond up for a full half an hour. » he praised her, patting lightly on her shoulder. Padme brought her hand over her master’s , squeezing it affectionately, then she moved away to go sit on the bed.  
«What did she tell you?»  
«Snoke obligated her to kill an unarmed man to prove her loyalty to the Dark Side.» she sighed, while massaging her temples with two fingers. «It truly is noteworthy they way she is resisting the Dark side, but…she is afraid she is eventually going to surrender.»  
Luke was about to disclose his lips to say something, when someone knocked on the door.  
«Come in.»   
Poe Dameron entered the room.  
Padme stood up ramrod straight, all of a sudden, stiffening like a wooden pole.  
«Luke, General Leia asked for your presence.»  
«I’ll be there in a minute.» he replied with a courtesy smile and the pilot excused himself, not without greeting the girl, as well as newly-elected Senator. Curiously enough, Padme found herself blushing when the boy met her gaze one last time before leaving.   
«We’re going to talk later, now just have some rest.»  
«I can’t, Master. I have this big tome called Study of War Practices that’s waiting for me.”

°

 

It hardly ever happened that she couldn’t sleep at night, even though in that situation, after her telepathic conversation with Padme, Rey was not able to shut her eyes all night long.   
Indeed, exhaustion was wearing her out during her training, so, instead of practicing the force, she settled on working on her lightsaber.   
She knew it would be destroyed, but if she were to play her role, she also knew she had to play it well.   
So she reprised her work even more excitedly, when she sensed a familiar presence getting closer and closer to her, dark, powerful.   
«What are you doing?»   
The deep bass voice of Kylo Ren did not startle her on the outside, while a myriad of emotions were swirling inside her.   
«I’m working on my saber, Master.» It hurt her tongue having to call him that way and every single time she bit it to placate that unbearable tingle.   
«You already have a saber you can practice with.»  
«I know, but I am working on my own.» she raised her gaze and glared daggers at him, despite the fact that they were both wearing a mask.  
«Get up and go train with the others.» but Rey just kept on sitting, intent on polishing the hilt of her saber. «That’s an order.» he barked, tightening his fists, his eyes two slits.   
It wasn’t the first time Rey rebelled or did things on her own. It was quite an arduous task to teach her something at all, with that independent attitude of her. 

And yet, it was exactly that peculiarity that made her so interesting to him.

Rey stood up, she quit her job and took off the helmet and the mask she had used as a protective gear while working on her lightsaber.   
But as she stepped a couple of paces, going past her new master, her head started whirling mercilessly. She happened to experience this quite often as of late, but this time some weird multicolored lights were tearing down everything she tried to focus on.  
She couldn’t feel her feet anymore, her legs seemed fragile twigs. Her eye-lids were so heavy that she suddenly could not keep her eyes open at all.   
She lost her balance and prepared herself for the crash to the ground.  
Only, she found herself suspended in mid-air with two strong arms that gently held her by the hollow of her knees and under her back.   
She could not open her eyes, but still, she knew who was carrying her. She did not even have the time to struggle or blush because of her rage, since she fainted, finally finding some peace in that unexpected sleep. 

 

°

 

«Will you really send her?» Luke did not believe his own sister’s words.  
«Precisely.» she said, diverting her gaze from the holoscreen to look at his twin right through his eyes. «Either I give her my consent or she’ll creep out anyway, I know what she’s like, even if…» she paused, slightly chewing the inside of her cheek.   
«Leia...»   
She wouldn’t have liked to bring out that argument, but the rage she had within was what led those acid and cold words out:   
«I know what my daughter is like even if you took her away from me, disappearing for a good eleven years.» They kept quiet contemplating each other’s eyes, Luke’s eyes were so serene, free from any negativity, and Leia envied this quality in him. She would pay inconceivable amounts of credits to be like him, even for one hour only.   
«You entrusted her to me, to keep her safe from Ben.» Luke stood up, as if he wanted to emphasize his own words. «But when I felt the force running through her veins, I had no choice.»  
«No, that’s not enough of a justification, Luke.»   
They had kept on putting that matter off for such a long time that now they brought it out from nowhere.  
«Only the heir of Anakin Skywalker can see his force ghost, Padme could see him since she was two, I could see them with my own eyes while they had friendly conversations.» For a moment Leia got captured by the image that flashed in her mind: her little girl with her raven hair tangled in a braid, intent on picking up flowers and showing them to her grandpa’s ghost. «After what Ben had done, the force needed a balance, a light one if you want, but still a balance.»  
Leia bit so hard on the already tortured inside of her cheeks, that she could taste her own blood on her tongue.  
«Han couldn’t sleep anymore, he wouldn’t even touch food. He went wandering around the galaxy with Chewie, searching for her little girl. He wanted her back. »   
Before she could burst into tears, Luke held her in a tight hug. Leia punched him lightly in the chest, wriggling and sobbing, but his warm welcoming embrace thawed all the icy barriers that separated her from her brother, and thus she calmed down.   
They kept standing for some minutes in that pose, in an embrace that meant one thing only: forgiveness. 

«She hates him, doesn’t she?» she asked, slowly disentangling herself from Luke.  
«It’s a weakness she has to take care of.»  
Leia sighed. «They’re siblings still, not even hatred will separate them. »  
«It may be like that for you, as you are their mother, but those two have never met so far. I doubt Padme will ever forgive him so easily. »  
There was a silence moment, in which the General tried to regain her composure from the vent of some minutes earlier, but then she settled on opening her lips to talk again.  
«You asked me why I want to send her off onto a mission? I’ll tell you why: I want my daughter to learn from my mistakes, and above all, I want no hate to live inside her.»  
«So what? Do you want her to go and kill her own brother?»  
«Not at all.» Leia had a plan in mind, Luke knew about it, but the woman was simply too proud to admit it. «I am persuaded that Padme’s rage was only born out of too much grief.»   
«How would you know that?»  
«I only know that one day, not far from now, they will meet each other, and when this happens, it’s going to be devastating for both of them. »  
Then finally Luke understood.  
He understood what it was that Leia had in mind.

Kylo Ren didn’t know he had a sister and Padme was too good to kill him.

Their first encounter would give the galaxy a small chance to eventually reach a balance in the force.

But most of all, it would give Leia a chance to get his son back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, let me know what do you think about ;)


	6. Last Tiny Bit of Humanity

_The wildflower meadow was enormous, yet not unlimited._

_Rey had never seen all those colors together: it was an explosion of red, yellow, purple, blue and orange. There were some trees framing the scenery, tall and mighty, but with no leaves on.  That detail terribly jarred the landscape, but Rey liked it all the same. She walked, ran and rolled, laughing, with her nostrils inebriated by those sweet scents.  The sun beams were so warm and intense that, even with her eyes shut, they would dot her eyelids._

_All of a sudden, the petals smoothness faded away and their scent was replaced by a pungent smell of something burnt._

_She started feeling hot, but it wasn’t a sultry hot like in Jakku, this felt different, this was suffocating._

_She opened her eyes and found out that there was no more sun, only a black sky covered with heavy gray clouds looming over her.  She quickly stood up and glanced around in dread, confusion and disgust._

_A lava river ran a few meters away from her and a little farther a volcano was erupting._

_«You’re a good person, don’t do this!» she heard a female voice. She turned back. Right below her there was a young couple, intent on a quite nervous and tight conversation. Rey had not even realized she was aboard a shuttle._

_She saw the woman walking away from the man, slowly, her eyes imbued with bewilderment and fear. The woman was shaking her head._

_«Obi-Wan was right. You’ve changed.»_

Obi-Wan.

_Something snapped inside her when she heard that name._

_«I don’t want to hear anymore about Obi-Wan.» There was something about the way the man moved that reminded her of someone very much familiar, but she could not quite say who.   «The Jedi turned against me. Don’t you turn against me.» His voice became hard and cold, quite the contrary from the gaze he was offering her: an unwholesome sweetness, a raging and morbid affection._

_That gaze was indeed fearsome._

 

Who were those two?

Where was she?

 

_«I don’t know you anymore.» Confessed the woman, falling prey to the tears, while her face twisted into a desperate expression.  «Anakin, you’re breaking my heart. You’re going down a path I can’t follow!» The man looked away from her and raised his eyes upon the shuttle._

_Rey widened her eyes and stepped back, when she finally registered that the man was in fact looking at her._

_«Obi Wan is with you.»_

 

What?

 

_Her feet were stuck to the shuttle floor._

_«I’m not Obi-Wan.» she whispered, without being able to speak any louder, but that man, whose name she had just discovered, seemed to have heard her words and kept on staring at her in pure hatred; he then started pacing back and forth in front of the woman, never leaving his gaze from her._

_«Liar!» he shouted. «You brought him here to kill me!» Anakin reached out, curving his fingers and the palm as if he were holding a cup, as if he were choking the woman in front of him without so much as touching her. Rey turned around toward the woman: she had brought her hands to her throat, fighting to breathe._

_He really was choking her._

_«Don’t hurt her!» Rey moved forward and she quickly climbed down the shuttle steps. She was now just a few meters away from them. «Let her go!» she screamed out hysterically at Anakin, her eyes wide open and her feet incapable of stepping any further.  The man though kept on force-choking the woman. When her face turned almost purple, Rey yelled:  «Let her go!» even louder and Anakin, oddly enough, let his grip loosen. The woman’s fragile body fell down. The man directed his crazy look from the poor victim to Rey, getting closer to her._

_«You turned her against me!» he roared, halting half-way._

_«You’re a monster!»_

_Anakin chuckled, as if finding it funny, the corners of his mouth twisting upwards, almost ambiguously._

_«You call me a monster?»_

_«You killed her! She… she was innocent!» tears were flowing down her cheeks._

 

Why was she crying?

 

_«That lieutenant was innocent too.» he retorted haughtily, closing the distance between them in an unhurried, dangerous way._

_Rey’s heart began pounding so hard that, if she didn’t manage to calm down, she would have to spit it out or rip it out of her chest, stabbing herself with her own fingers. «Unlike you, I was forced to!» she defended herself._

_«Oh did you, really?» he chuckled spitefully, as if he thought those words to be full of irony.  «I knew you were candid, not mean, Obi-Wan.»_

_«Why do you call me so?!» she screamed, standing on wobbling legs. «I am Rey, my name is Rey!» she got past him running close to the defenseless body of the young woman.  She kneeled down, ignoring her kneecaps pain, she grabbed the woman by the jacket cloth and turned her over._

_What she saw though, wasn’t the sweet and kind face she expected to see, but the mask of Kylo Ren._

_«What…» The moment she lifted her gaze beyond the black silhouette, she saw many bodies surrounding her: those of Han Solo, Padme, Luke, General Leia, Finn, Poe Dameron, the whole Resistance… A yell threatened to come out, but a lump in her throat prevented her to emit it, leaving her only more frustrated and in despair._

_She stared down at Kylo, who was not wearing his mask anymore, that was the face she first saw at the Starkiller base, during the interrogation. Also his clothes were different, they were white and gray,  just like a Jedi._

_«Ben?» she whispered choking on her own breath, brushing his cheek with her fingertips. «Ben Solo...»_

 

And why was she grieving over the death of her enemy?

 

_«You killed him. You killed them all.» Anakin’s voice changed in the second part of the sentence, becoming weirdly feminine and…familiar._

_She turned around and there was no more Sith in front of her, there was an exact copy of herself, just like looking at her own reflex through a mirror._

_«You did it, Obi-Wan. So, don’t call me a monster.» With a slight nod of her head, her clone showed her something and Rey looked by instinct at her hands._

_They were covered in fresh blood and some thick drops were drizzling down her arms._

_«You are the monster.»_

_The lump in her throat dissolved as it came, while she stared at her trembling, scarlet, guilty hands._

_«Murderer.» hissed contemptuously her clone. «Murderer.» she repeated again and other voices joined in, those of the blood-covered dead, who were now walking toward her and the seemingly lifeless body of Ben Solo. «Murderer. Murderer. Murderer.»_

_She desperately let out a shout, besieged by that chant that kept on saying the word that so well describer her._

 

_«Rey! Rey, wake up! Rey! REY!»_

 

* * *

 

  
 

 

The night had just descended upon them, two pale moons shone in the sky of a too beautiful a planet, to be the home of something as dark and evil as the First Order.

However, he had been in that room for one day only and he had only imagined that the moons were full and shining, he liked to picture them that way. 

He had been watching over her without ever taking his eyes off, studying every inch of her skin, every little movement in her sleep.

He did not even know why he had stayed there, he could as well have ordered a Stormtrooper to inform him when she would eventually wake up and instead, he had brought her in his own quarters, laid her down on his bed, freed himself  from the mask and sit there in front of her. 

More than watching over her, he had meant to meditate; Snoke wanted him to do it every day as a training, but having her so close to him made the meditation about the Dark awfully challenging.

Her very presence did not match with that dark and cold room; she, who was so bright and good..he had to correct himself: _she, who had once been so bright and good._

 

_What had happened to her?_

 

He’d have wanted to guess it, because he didn’t know her anymore and this made him feel pretty…disappointed.

That day on the Starkiller, during the interrogation, he had been struck by the scavenger, by that innocent girl, unaware of the force flowing through her. But this one..this girl he had in front of him was ruthless, rebellious, well aware of the power in her veins. And yet, all the times he had a chance to watch her train, he had indeed perceived that her eyes weren’t yet gone totally dull. She always radiated that shiny, full-of-life aura, even though she did not realize it.

Each time his mind would go back to what Snoke had told and to the mission he had assigned to him: removing that light in her once and for all. 

But now, as he was glancing over her with no mask on, as those long eyelashes were magnetically capturing him, he found himself aware of one thing: he didn’t want Rey to lose her light. 

Kylo Ren seemed to awaken from that trance that had dominated him as Rey started stirring in her sleep, not that she hadn’t already done it  over that day: some muffled whimpering and frequently side-changing, nothing to worry about. 

This time though, her breath became more labored, her chest was heaving quickly, her face creased by a painful expression.  

Ren stood up meaning to getting closer, but he stopped half-way as her tiny mouth disclosed:

 «Don’t hurt her!» she screamed and a sigh followed suit.

 

She was clearly dreaming, _but what?_

 

Concern and curiosity had the best of him and he tried to probe her mind, though with  scarce results.

It was all pointless: he couldn’t see a thing. The usual block prevented him from reading her thoughts.

 «You killed her...» she whispered, her head moving swiftly from one side to the other, the sheen of sweat covering her forehead . Kylo stood still, incapable of any reaction at that scene.

 

Rey grabbed the sheets around her and little drops slid down her brow, her neck, her collarbone, droplets that draw the attention of the Knight of Ren, making him swallow hard in a poor attempt to look away from those luscious feminine curves.

He closed in, sitting on the mattress edge, and he thought it would be most appropriate to wake her up. But just as he was about to say her name, Rey spoke again.

 «Ben.» she sighed. «Ben... Solo.»

 

A shake arose from his chest and propagated all around in his body, petrifying him.

_That was his name._

 

_His real name._

 

Countless memories now crowded his mind, waking up something inside of him, something that had been sleeping for too long.

He saw  Leia Organa, her fresh and pristine face. He remembered the sweetness of her kiss on his forehead and the heat emanated by a simple pat on his shoulder from Han Solo.

He remembered the trainings at Luke Skywalker’s academy, the face of every single padawan…whose blood was now staining his hands.

 

He opened his eyes and only in that moment did he realize that he had closed them to push back the call of the Light.

 

Return to reality.

 

The urgency of that moment gave him the impulse to try once again to probe her mind, and he unexpectedly succeeded.

It was as if he submerged in a lake full of dark seaweeds and opened his eyes underwater.

Everything was blurry and dark, just after a couple of seconds he got to see what she saw; Rey directed her attention onto a young girl, younger than sixteen maybe, with long brown hair and an ethereal, relaxed face...

A face..

 

Kylo Ren involuntarily got out of Rey’s mind and leaped up on his feet.

 

That girl,  _who was she?_

 

Just as he figured her out, something in his stomach and in his chest shrank and contracted, only to  suddenly burst and force him to interrupt the mental bond with Rey.

 

He didn’t know who she was.

He only knew that he was sensing a force like he never had so far.

And it was just a dream...

 

Or wasn’t it?

 

When Rey started screaming at the top of her lungs, Ren finally grabbed her by her shoulders and shook her.

 «Rey! Rey, wake up!» it felt strange to say her name out loud.

She kept on shouting and crying, without opening her eyes. 

 «Rey! REY!» he called her yelling, unrestrained, a few inches away from her face. 

He stopped only when she finally opened her eyes. 

They stayed for some seconds like that. So close, absorbed in each other’s gaze.

Then Ren got up from the bed and turned around, realizing that he did not have his mask on.

For some endless minutes, not a single word was uttered.

Ren’s fingers were like trembling leaves and his heart was beating hard as it had not done in a very long while.  In just a few minutes, his iron-like emotions had been liquefied by some words, some memories and by the image of a girl who perhaps was not even supposed to exist.

So he decided to take the lead and to give all of this a different turn, once and for all. He turned around to look at her and Rey’s gaze went through him like it had never done until now: she looked at his face, at the pale scar that crossed his features and that she herself had contributed to create.

He felt naked, taken off of every barrier in front of such deep, investigating eyes.

Rey had not yet fully recovered from her dream and she was not thinking straight.  Her beats were still too fast to be comfortable with, but with Kylo Ren nearby, in that dark and unknown room, calming down was quite complicated. 

The face she had just dreamt of was now in front of her, yet paler, duller, and with that thin line crossing it.

Rey knew she couldn’t just stay there and stare at him forever like a fool, so she said the first thing that came up to her mind.

 «Is this your room?» 

Kylo noticed how Rey’s cheek turned a tad rosier after asking that question.

 «Is that a problem for you?» There was just an indefinite, imperceptible grain of mischief in that sharp and provocative inquiry. He saw her stiffen and he had to hold back a half self-satisfied grin.

 «How... – she took a pause to clear her throat, using that moment to look somewhere else – how long have I been sleeping?»

 «Almost one standard day.» he answered.

Rey said nothing, she brought the back of her hand to wipe the sweat off her forehead and kept on not looking him in the eye.

 «You are not eating.» said Kylo, catching her off guard. He walked until he leveled himself to her position, his arms crossed and his head up, the image of that little girl still branded in his mind. «That explains your weakness.»

 «I’m not hungry.» she confessed fearless.

 «You don’t have to eat heartily. If you’re not hungry, you’ll eat to survive. Am I clear?» He spoke in a deep, intimidating way, which seldom happened with no mask to modify his voice.

 «And why does now Kylo Ren care if I do not eat enough?» 

He was bewildered by those words from her. She would usually simply nod at his orders, even if idly.

 «This is not about not eating enough, this is about not eating at all. I won’t allow my apprentice to starve to death because of a …tantrum.»

Rey frowned, sitting on the mattress.

 «Tantrum?»

 «Exactly.»

A different kind of silence fell between them, different from all the other ones there had been so far, filled with a pure nervous tension.

 «You’ll find in your room something to get better.»  That was the way he was dismissing her. But she did not move, she stood still, motionless, right where she was and kept on staring at him in disbelief. Kylo felt uncomfortable under those eyes. No one had ever looked at him that way.

Discomfort soon turned into annoyance.

 «Do you need me to feed you?» he asked with dark irony, furrowing an eyebrow.

That joke struck Rey, but it was nothing she could be unprepared for. She got up on her feet and walked until she was right in front of unmasked Kylo Ren.

 «I’d never want the fearsome, mighty Knight of Ren to waste his precious time, one never knows if he has some poor innocents to kill.» 

He held his breath.

She would have liked to bite her tongue to blood after what she had just told him.

 «Poor innocents?»he mocked her in a grave, icy muttering.

There, she had just failed her mission.

After all she had done, she screwed everything up with just a few words.

 «Oh, I beg your pardon: enemy of the First Order. That’s a synonym for poor innocent, isn’t it?»

Her conscience  screamed for her to hold her tongue, but some mysterious force was urging her to say all that came up to her mind.

Kylo knew for certain that the girl in front of him right now was the Starkiller Rey, the naive scavenger. He felt the grip in his chest loosen and inadvertently the corners of his mouth slightly curved upward.

Rey could not believe what she saw.

 «I thought you were dead,  _Rey from Jakku._ » 

 «What?» she whispered, stepping back. 

Now that he had mentioned that subject, he might as well bring it on, no ifs, ands or buts.

«Who are you fooling? You have not turned to the Dark side, you are in fact rejecting it.» Rey’s feet were stuck to the floor, but she was not in control. Kylo was, using the force on her. He moved forward and with every step, Rey became more and more aware of how her failure was floating, just like when you throw a pebble in a pond and all the mud and sand come afloat to the surface. «I don’t know if you really rebelled to the Resistance or if General Organa assigned a rescue mission to you.» He gave her a shy smile, which was everything but a sincere smile. «My rescue.» he punctuated, murmuring, as the air around her got filled with his smell, or so it seemed to Rey, who could not move from where she was, nor could she talk. «I only know that now you’re here and I execute the orders of the Supreme Leader. » He turned around her, without ever taking his eyes off. «What he wants is that I teach you mastering the ways of the Dark side of the force and so I will. » He stopped at the second turn, right behind her . «And you know what?»

He got his lips close to her ear and whispered in a stinging voice: «I don’t care if you do want to embrace the Dark Side or not, I only have you know that sooner or later, after struggling and fighting, after sweating out the last drop of your blood, after losing even your last tiny bit of humanity» he moved in front of her, slightly distancing himself just to look her in the eye as if it were the most damned and at the same time fascinating thing in the entire galaxy «the Darkness will be your only hope, your only friend and your only ally.»

Rey knew that those words would be marked in her brains until the very end of her days.  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello to everyone!
> 
> This is a translation of my story, the original one is in Italian. A really kind friend is helping me to traslate it and I'm so excited!
> 
> Let me know what do you think about this story!  
> Thanks for reading and...
> 
> May the Force be with you!


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